Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
