Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
