U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
