haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
