Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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