I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
