you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
