As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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