There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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