You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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