She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
