So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
