i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
