It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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