i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
