just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
