lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
