I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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