how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
