i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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