I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
