I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
