why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
