highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
