They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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