I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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