Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
