I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
