We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
