happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
