Yo dont text me then not text me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
