it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
