Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
