Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I enjoy the company of your penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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