I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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