Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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