theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
