You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
