I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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