A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
