Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
