I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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