Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
