Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
