Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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