I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
