He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
