I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
