Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
