Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
