dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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