Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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