My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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