you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
