Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
