Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
