I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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